So here i am... its 1am and i am not sleeping. Not really hard to believe but true nontheless... I am conflicted. I feel like i know what i need to do, like i know where i need to go, yet i constantly question if i have done enough to get me there. Am i really good enough to do this thing that i feel like i am being called to do? I look around, at some of those who have gone before and i am encouraged. I feel like i could easily surpass them in this field, however i feel like i have not pushed myself far enough. I have been successful but it has come so easily. Is it really meant to be this natural? Am i really meant to have this clear of a vision on what i should be doing?
Sometimes i feel that clarity only confuses things more. Anyway, heres to a new start. Something i have to keep to, for myself and my commitment to my work my wife and my God. I feel like a start things and never finish. I feel like this has all just happened, just been given to me, like someone has gone before me paving the way. I suppose that is true. He has provided for me in a real and visible way. But now i have to hold up my end of the bargain. I have to invest in this like i have never invested before. I have to find something that will continue to provide but allow me to develop at the level i need to. I trust he will provide that. I just have to find the way...
Art and your Masters ???
ReplyDeleteYou don't always Quit, you just get good enought to be satisfied and bored and find the next challenge.....you will do this whatever it is.
Your heart made me " need" to build an account so i could follow your blog and comment. No other account of a friend has motivated me to have an account...to busy to care enough to take the time....i guess it takes a boys pondering , seeking and committing to pull a mohter in. Praying....His is faithful, you will be faithful !!